Welcome to Hell Planet?
How the Love Bug virus author came clean, how to create a new fetish, plus orcs, dead cats, and dead elected candidates
Well hello, dear reader.
The past week has been stressful for a lot of people in the U.S. (and around the world, actually). I chalk it up to Kanye West losing the presidential elections. So, in honor of his magnificent loss, I give you this week's latest collection of mad mad links to all the strangeness that's happening just on the fringes of your attention span.
Real Life, Stranger Than Fiction
Welcome to Hell Planet: Scientists just discovered an extreme exoplanet, K2-141b, whose surface, ocean, and atmosphere are all made of one thing: rocks! Oceans have lava, it rains rocks. Basically, hell. I look forward to exiling criminals there in the near future.
I Wanna Hold Your Robotic Hand: If finding a real girlfriend is a problem, there's now a robotic hand that you can squeeze as you take long romantic walks with it. And yes, it squeezes back. Not sure if it’s warm though. That would probably be version 2.0. As they say in software development: “It’s on the product roadmap!”
Breaking Bad, But With Phones: This VICE article reads so much like a Netflix series, I wouldn't be surprised if this story appears as a 6-episode miniseries on streaming media within the year. What it is: the story of how one guy's privacy-centric phones ended up supplying drug cartels and biker gangs with unwiretappable devices. And how the guy got away by walking out of a hotel suite in Vegas. While the FBI agents were asleep. The story is so crazy, it's like Breaking Bad, but with Blackberries.
Imma Let You Finish: Meanwhile Kanye West conceded defeat in the U.S. presidential race with a one-word speech. But then deleted it and replaced it with what looks like a promise to run in 2024. Yikes.
Dead But Still Elected: In North Dakota, a dead candidate won. He was running for the state legislature. I'm hoping he doesn't get up from the grave to go to work. Because that would be a total disruption of work/life balance.
Say Hello to Orc: Someone in Brazil implanted real tusks into their face and now resemble a real life orc. What does he call himself? Why, Orc... of course.
The Funeral of Doorkins the MagnifiCat: And in the UK (of course) a cathedral held a funeral service for one of its most beloved residents — a stray cat named Doorkins Magnificat. Someone turn that cat into the hero of a children's book series. The Magnificent Adventures of Doorkins Magnificat.
Long Form Reads
The Love Bug Author Comes Clean: Remember the Love Bug Trojan virus of 2000 and how it simply deleted entire folders of JPEG photos? A WIRED journalist tracked down the Trojan's author to a maze of mobile phone repair stalls in a cramped shopping mall in the Philippines and got the real story behind the unforgettable virus.
The Amusing Creation of a New Fetish: What's a better use of your time? Binge watching the latest Netflix series, or perhaps inventing a new fetish? This guy created one about women’s legs being painted yellow. His real discovery? All that's needed for a successful fetish is a good enough back story.
Fiction For You: Read Robin Sloan's serialized novel, Annabel Scheme and the Adventure of the New Golden Gate. It's a detective story about all the possible versions of a place and is about a bustling city built on a filled-in San Francisco Bay, a pop star tech genius named Quintessandra, and internet teeth. By the same author who wrote Mr. Penumbra's 24-Hour Bookstore.
Eye Candy
Comics For You: Here's a hilarious webcomic called Tom the Dancing Bug, published around the time of Napster. The title: Library System Terrorizes Publishing Industry!
Small People, Big Problems: Slinkachu's photos featuring tiny people with abnormally large problems is quite apropos of 2020.
Ear Candy
Genius! Someone named Hildegard Von Blingin' (a play on the 14th century abbess and saint Hildegard Von Bingen) is recording contemporary tunes sung in medieval styles and releasing them on Youtube. Like Radiohead's "Creep." The genre? They're calling it medieval Bardcore.
Also, there's this DJ duo called PRFCT MANDEM, who spin drum-and-bass from the UK. And they do it with such effusive joy and happiness that you come away smiling as brightly as they do... while jumping up and down to a 160 BPM dnb track. Phenomenal. Here they are in their Cosy Gaff Sessions #01 (Facebook link).
Did you know the album title "Do you like my Tight Sweater?" by Moloko was an actual pickup line that the singer Roisin Murphy told her co-collaborator, Mark Brydon, at a party? They're the ones who sang "Sing it Back" in 1995(?) among other odd electropop gems.
The funk + brass act Brass Against play Rage Against the Machine’s "Take the Power Back." Rock with a horn section!
I stumbled across this interview of Gazelle Twin and Saint Saviour, two different artists/mothers who make idiosyncratic music, and how they cope with the challenge of being creative and taking care of their families. It's a challenge, that's for sure!
This was so random: Purity Ring (known for their moody witch house/ambient/gothic sound) does a cover of the Alice Deejay hit "Better Off Alone."
It's just 3 minutes, but this downtempo post-rock track by Elijah Bisbee lifts the spirit. And boy do we all need that right now. Listen to: REJOICE on Bandcamp.
And that's it, folks.
After the anxiety of last week, this week is looking to be a better one. Hope it stays that way for some time. Stay safe, and wear a mask.
~ Lionel